It occurred to me that it was You
Who else would have made such an effort for me
I did not realize how lost I was
And how much pain You took in finding me
When I mention this to others
They look at me in wonderment
‘Were you lost? You were here all the time.’ they say
I try explaining to them what You understood without words
My emotional manifestation
They question my surety about You
I see the skeptical look in their eyes
When I mention Your pain
‘Why pain?’ is asked
Me being a part of You amazes them
‘Do I look peaceful?’ I ask
I get no answer but a dazed look
My previous self is reflected in them
They are sinking into nothingness
I hear the silent screams, ‘Find me.’
I know these screams have traveled to You
There is reassurance of You pulling them out
And them also being a part of You.
You massive White
You glowing Light
With your resonance vibrating around me
Please always stay in sight
Your presence in my life
Makes everything seem exponentially bright
I hear you calling me every day
I run into your warm arms
This is truly the feeling of being at the greatest heights.
Holding hands and walking down the beach,
It is exhilarating to feel our hair being ruffled by the summer breeze,
Enormous waves are rushing towards us,
But they mellow down once they approach,
As if they do not want to disturb the tranquility with their fuss,
The sand is so soft beneath our feet,
Asking us to leave our impressions on its grainy sheet ,
The pink sky is holding our gaze,
As the clouds and sun are playing chase,
We stop and close our eyes,
Wishing to forever be bound in this tie.
When was the last time you looked into my eyes,
When was the last time you spoke those words,
Why is it so hard to recall all those precious moments,
Why are the memories drifting away,
I try to stop them from floating,
But it seems they are oblivious of me,
As I turn away dejected,
I hear a soft whisper,
With a pounding heart I turn around to see if they are back,
And I see a silver fog that descends upon me,
It murmurs in my ear,
Old memories are far away and new ones are here to stay,
I embrace them and take them with me,
Because I know it is you who has sent them my way.
Running through the fields dazed,
I see the clouds scattered above,
They make me want to jump high,
And immerse myself in their snowy white,
I feel the mist around me,
Engulfing my entire being,
Treading upon the floating layers,
Loneliness feels like a pleasure trip,
The sweet whispers of the wind,
Promise a heavenly glimpse.
With Valentines Day almost here, most of us are geared into shopping mode. All around me, I see these cute displays of valentine gifts and accessories which continuously remind me of getting something for my hubby. This year I decided that instead of getting gifts for each other, we will go shopping together. When he heard this, his eyes lit up at the prospect of not having to toil and find something for me. But then he immediately became cautious. He was pretty skeptical at this sudden change in my attitude (admittedly I have ‘tested’ him in similar ways on occasions past). But this was no test and I somehow convinced him. I know you are probably thinking that I am such a considerate wife since I am concerned about my hubby’s plight. I can see this undeserved halo over my head.
Let me digress for a second. I am the kind of person who loves being pampered with ‘mushy’ gifts. He on the other hand prefers practical gifts like speakers, headphones, etc. (how utterly boring!!). You can see where I am going with this… The real reason for this change in the gift giving tradition this year has to do with my predicament about what to get him!
So with this solved, we both can have a less stressful Valentines. I am not implying that valentines can only be enjoyed if there is no tension of giving surprise gifts, but mixing things up once in a while works great.
The other day, we met one of my husband’s acquaintances and he asked me what I was up to nowadays. I told him that I was working for a non-profit that helped victims of Domestic Violence (DV). His next question surprised me because he asked if I knew someone who had been in such a situation. My ‘No’ got me an unexpected response. He questioned me why I was working for this cause and why I felt strongly about it. Not wanting to be rude, I refrained from giving a sarcastic reply. Instead I told him that I thought most women do feel strongly about this issue. He gave me this odd look, but nonetheless let it go. His expression clearly conveyed his disbelief as to why someone would want to get involved with such cases. Later on I asked my husband if he thought the question was weird as well or was it just me. His affirmative nod made me think more about the conversation.
‘Is it necessary for us to have experienced something personally in order to help someone?’. I don’t agree with this. If we believe in something, I think that it is good enough to go out there and help. Apart from DV, there are so many other causes out there that people work for. Have they all been in situations like that? Of course not. It is their belief that draws them towards it.
I do realize that if I was working in another career, this sort of conversation probably wouldn’t have taken place. DV is a topic that most people still feel uncomfortable discussing. When I started, I was warned that I would experience unpleasant reactions from some people. For me, this was the first time I met someone who reacted a little negatively. It hasn’t deterred me in any way, but at least now I know what else to expect.
The feet got cut off in the scanning process…:-)
I could feel my heart palpitating and sinking into my stomach. Thats the best way I can describe my reaction to flying. As soon as the plane starts taxiing, I start praying that we reach our destination safely. I have tried to be practical, tried to rationalize, but it doesn’t seem to help. Until recently, I thought people weren’t as affected by flying as I was. Then I stumbled upon this website, actually I shouldn’t say stumbled. I was conciously searching for sites on turbulence and found this amazing one. It has a lot of information about anything & everything to do with planes and was started by a pilot to ease the fears of people like me. I read about turbulence and also about different emergencies that can arise in a flight. The best part was knowing that there are people out there who feel the same way. I know what you must be thinking, there are lots of people scared of flying, but trust me I haven’t come across even one who is as phobic as me. I have interacted with most who have experienced turbulence or other problems while flying, but this has not deterred them from sitting on a plane again. Among these, there have also been some who have told me horror stories the day before I am supposed to catch a flight. These stories range from their planes having caught fire to it dropping a few hundred feet. What amazes me is that they are still comfortable flying and I on the other hand am in constant tension. So you can imagine, here I am thinking that I should probably go see a shrink because everyone else seems to be ok.
Looking back, I have come to the conclusion that my fear has aggravated over the years. I never used to give a second thought to flying until one particular flight a few years ago. I am not too sure how the fear suddenly crept on me. It didn’t help that the day before I watched ‘Final Destination’ and as previously stated was informed about the horrors of flying (planes on fire, etc.). During the ascent, my mind was in continuous turmoil. I remember asking my dad during the flight that if the plane starts falling, how long would it take to hit the ground. I know I sounded pretty crazy and the look on my dad’s face confirmed it. He didn’t bother answering, so I continued that since we are at 37000 feet, it would probably take around 10 minutes. After saying it, I felt better because I was sure that in those 10 minutes I would have a heart failure. I am also not a good flying companion as I am sure you have already concluded yourself. As soon as it is announced that all cell phones and electronic portable devices are to be switched off, I do so right away. I actually don’t even wait for the announcements, as soon as I am seated, I proceed to do so. If I see anyone around me who hasn’t switched it off when the plane starts taxiing, I make it a point to tell them. It is very annoying and I do realize that, but the fear of flying overrides all my sane thinking.
My fear goes hand in hand with my fear of pain as I am sure it is for most of us. If I am sure that I won’t feel pain, I would be more comfortable flying. I have heard that flying is a lot safer than driving and that gives me a little consolation. Reading about it has also helped a lot to placate my fears. There is a lot of information out there about flying phobias and if any one is suffering like I am, I think gaining any sort of knowledge can be therapeutic. A quick search on google will pull up many sites related to this. Have fun researching and (safe) flying. (more…)