Does experience make us more sympathetic?
The other day, we met one of my husband’s acquaintances and he asked me what I was up to nowadays. I told him that I was working for a non-profit that helped victims of Domestic Violence (DV). His next question surprised me because he asked if I knew someone who had been in such a situation. My ‘No’ got me an unexpected response. He questioned me why I was working for this cause and why I felt strongly about it. Not wanting to be rude, I refrained from giving a sarcastic reply. Instead I told him that I thought most women do feel strongly about this issue. He gave me this odd look, but nonetheless let it go. His expression clearly conveyed his disbelief as to why someone would want to get involved with such cases. Later on I asked my husband if he thought the question was weird as well or was it just me. His affirmative nod made me think more about the conversation.
‘Is it necessary for us to have experienced something personally in order to help someone?’. I don’t agree with this. If we believe in something, I think that it is good enough to go out there and help. Apart from DV, there are so many other causes out there that people work for. Have they all been in situations like that? Of course not. It is their belief that draws them towards it.
I do realize that if I was working in another career, this sort of conversation probably wouldn’t have taken place. DV is a topic that most people still feel uncomfortable discussing. When I started, I was warned that I would experience unpleasant reactions from some people. For me, this was the first time I met someone who reacted a little negatively. It hasn’t deterred me in any way, but at least now I know what else to expect.
newhoosier replied:
I think it’s perfectly acceptable to want to help people in situations you’ve never been in. How many people who were never in a hurricane helped in efforts after Katrina? Or a tsunami, and donated money after the 2004 tsunami?
I’d love to help with domestic violence victims, rape victims, people recovering from alcoholism or substance abuse, and many other things, but I’ve never been beaten or raped and I don’t drink or do drugs. Wow, when you put that down on paper, I guess I’m a pretty lucky guy.
February 9, 2007 at 12:00 pm. Permalink.
Rim replied:
Hey newhoosier,
You make a great point. I am glad to hear that you have the same view.
February 11, 2007 at 3:07 pm. Permalink.
Prakriti Katariya replied:
Hey Rimpi, I believe that there is another way to look at predicatments like DV…If you have personally not gone through such experience or if you have not closely watched someone in such plight, then you are more likely to be an effectiv counsellor because you do not have any bias or prejuidice. Every DV case is different. A person who has gone through such experience would probably view others situations from his/her own encounter, and therevy would weigh the options accordingly. Whereas a fresh and unbiased perspective might prove to be more practical and effective.Just an opinion……..but hey what you are doing is commendable…BRAVO.
February 11, 2007 at 5:31 pm. Permalink.
Rim replied:
Hey Prakriti…
Thats another good way to look at it. I am glad to see positive views after posting this.
Rim
February 12, 2007 at 1:04 am. Permalink.
rlao replied:
For everything you do, there are always naysayers. For example, if one has not played colligiate sports or professional sports, does that mean one cannot be a good coach at that level. Yes and No. It still depends on that person. That person may need to work harder to earn respect where as a reputable player may get it by default. If you put your mind to it, you can do it.
February 12, 2007 at 7:11 pm. Permalink.
Rim replied:
Hey rlao,
I completely agree. As they say with hard work (and a dash of luck) you can achieve anything.
February 12, 2007 at 11:01 pm. Permalink.
q8 replied:
hi rimpi’
i am very proud of u…bravo
February 13, 2007 at 1:28 am. Permalink.
Rim replied:
Thanks!
February 15, 2007 at 10:22 pm. Permalink.
Wikid Sunny replied:
‘Is it necessary for us to have experienced something personally in order to help someone?’
NO…if you know about something such as mentioned in ur article, then you can go ahead and help. But, do you think a person who has experienced such a situation would want to help. Well not in all cases. That person might not want others to suffer as much OR that person might not want to even come close to the same topic again (therefore not helping).
It is easy to say things, help people, and try to understand what they are feeling but ‘TRY’ is the key word. You can never understand unless u experience it. You hear ppl always saying “If I was in her shoes I would do this….” well guess what, you are NOT in her shoes and therefore you will never know what you would do in the same situation. Claim all u want, what u want!
Thats how the human mind works. We watch movies, read things and start thinking that we know more and would do differently if given the same situation. But the truth is that when you are faced with a really strong situation, your mind works in a completely different way becasue now it actually truely concerns YOU. Also, if you ever get into such a situation, your mind would work much clearer on the subject (thereafter) compared to people who keep claiming they know whats right and wrong.
The reason why I wrote all this is that it is an amazing thing to help others going through these situations and tehrefore you are doing a right thing. My point is that sure you are getting experience, but never dare say that after listening or dealing with so many people now you understand how it feels. Because you don’t you only TRY to understand. Which IS the best you can do so good job!
Btw nice article…I like it….and since I suck at writing, what I wrote mite be a bit confusing…hehe..
April 2, 2007 at 1:49 pm. Permalink.
Rim replied:
Hey Wikid,
I do agree with you that we can never fully understand a situation if we have not personally experienced it. At the same time that should not stop us from helping someone. Just being there for them and listening to them can also help them a lot.
Thanks for your reply…it is always good to know what others think.
April 2, 2007 at 3:51 pm. Permalink.
mrinal mazumder replied:
Hi Rimpi,
I have a Indian friend, her name is Rimpi. But she does not know, what does Rimpi mean. Would u please help me?
Regards
Mrinal
June 20, 2007 at 12:09 pm. Permalink.
Rim replied:
Hey Mrinal,
I don’t think Rimpi means anything. All I know is that its a name of a village in Sweden.
Hope that helps.
-Rim
June 21, 2007 at 3:06 pm. Permalink.